If you’re French, like me, here’s something you must understand: the land of the “Anglo-Saxon” (encompassing Australia, Canada, the UK, and the US) prides itself on inclusivity. They’re all about recognizing pronouns, respecting beliefs, and weaving everyone into the grand tapestry of life. It’s lovely, truly, until you realize there’s one group they love to bash without a second thought: the French.
Here’s the unvarnished truth: when things go awry, just blame the French.
This narrative has been spun over centuries, and the Anglosphere is more than eager to jump on this particular bandwagon. Our choice to sit out the Iraq War cemented our reputation as “cowards,” conveniently ignoring the heroics of the French Resistance or the fact that no WMDs were ever found. And when they’re out of ammunition for legitimate critique, they invent stories, like the absurd claim back in April this year that it’s illegal to work after 6pm in France. Newsflash: it was all a hoax to paint us as lazy! The Anglo press gobbled it up, revealing just how tempting it is to pin one on us.
During the 2024 Paris Olympics, an Australian TV host didn’t hold back, calling French people ‘rude, pompous, and weird sexually.’ Ah, the nuanced art of cultural commentary on live TV! Let’s set the record straight: we French didn’t invent the extra-marital affair; the British Royal family managed that quite well on their own. And remember, the ‘bonk ban’ was Australia’s brainchild, not ours.
But hey, it’s much easier to blame the French, isn’t it?
Let’s delve into class and culture. From the historic cobblestone streets of Paris to the verdant vineyards of Bordeaux, France exudes elegance. Louis Vuitton, Moët Hennessy (LVMH), for heaven’s sake, is the very definition of luxury. They’ve elevated fashion to an art, where every scarf, bag, or bottle of champagne isn’t just an item but a statement.
Beyond the realm of luxury, France has profoundly influenced the world:
- Marie Curie: The only individual to win Nobel Prizes in two scientific fields, reshaping our understanding of radioactivity.
- Pierre de Coubertin: Not merely the creator of the modern Olympic Games, but the architect of a global celebration of athleticism and unity.
- The Eiffel Tower: More than a mere structure, it’s a symbol of romance and architectural brilliance.
- Cinematography by the Lumière brothers: They didn’t just invent film; they revolutionized storytelling through visuals.
- The Braille system by Louis Braille: A groundbreaking advancement that transformed education for the visually impaired.
- High-speed trains: The TGV, setting the standard for rail travel over three decades ago.
- Nuclear energy: France has been at the forefront, pioneering its use.
The funny thing is that all the good words, in English, are French. We have given you entrepreneurs, savoir faire, attachés, revenue and baba au rhum. You make a point in pronouncing them the French way (newsflash for you: you don’t and you can’t), and I have had colleagues who even tried to correct my French. Because they know better. Of course they do.
And yet, while the world savours our cultural exports — French cuisine, philosophy, art, literature — it also can’t resist taking potshots at us. There’s an odd fascination with the personal lives of French leaders, turning Macron’s marriage into a political telenovela. And the cliché of French promiscuity? Affairs are a universal human pastime, not a French specialty.
Down under, the real bone of contention is the French nuclear tests in the Pacific from 1960 to the mid-90s. When told to “test it in Paris if it’s safe,” France chose remote atolls, sparking global outrage, boycotts, and the infamous destruction of the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior. Despite a moratorium in 1991, resuming tests in ’95 under President Chirac reignited Australian fury like a nuclear blaze.
Then came the submarine debacle of 2021, where Australia opted for American and British submarines over French ones, leaving a €50Bn deal in tatters and French pride wounded by what we see as betrayal.
Even esteemed publications like the Financial Times and the Wall Street Journal jump into the fray, painting France as a land of political turmoil just because François Bayrou became prime minister. But no worries, Macron’s likely scheming a snap election to untangle this “chaos.” What can I say? Bashing the French is a compulsion they can’t resist.
And don’t try to argue that bashing the French is about racism or xenophobia. We French are fair game. Blaming us gives the Anglos an immediate sense of vindication; they’ve found someone to blame for their own mess. They’ll use it and abuse it.
Just having a French accent is enough to make you a target. Even when people understand you perfectly, they’ll feign ignorance and give you that look. I’ve lost count of how often I’ve been asked, ‘Do I know you from somewhere?’ just because my accent supposedly sounds ‘sexy’. No, you don’t know me.
No, we don’t get sloshed at lunch, and yes, in France, cheating on your partner is frowned upon. Why am I explaining this? You won’t believe it anyway. You Anglos always know better, don’t you?
We French are direct; we don’t sugarcoat our words. Perhaps that’s too hard for you to swallow. Well, that’s your problem, not ours.
In conclusion, French bashing isn’t just a pastime; it’s an art form, a sport, and a seemingly unifying cultural ritual in the Anglo-Saxon world. But remember, as they say, ‘blame the French’ — it’s the one tradition that seems to unite them all. I say: Vive la différence, or at least, vive our ability to laugh at it!
On this note, I’ll get myself a croissant.
