My First Column on French Yummy Mummy
Dear readers, today you’re in for a treat. I’ve known LaKone (NOT her real name) for quite some time. She’s a rising star, and as I’ve restarted my blog, she expressed her eagerness to contribute to French Yummy Mummy, explaining the ins and outs of Australian corporate life. Let’s set the record straight: no, I am not LaKone. And yes, French Yummy Mummy has grown into a team effort. Beware: this post drips with sarcasm. Don’t read on if you’re easily offended. Muriel
Greetings, corporate comrades and cubicle warriors! With a new year and a quarter-century milestone upon us, it’s the perfect moment to step out from the anonymity and introduce myself as your friendly neighbourhood commentator on corporate culture.
Picture me as the newest recruit to the French Yummy Mummy squad — baguette in one hand, and a briefcase brimming with workplace mischief in the other
You might wonder, “Why dive into the murky waters of Australian corporate culture?” Well, these waters are less like a dull pond and more like a technicolour whirlpool. Having navigated the corporate landscapes of four countries and survived numerous mega-corps (you’ll never guess which), I’ve reached a startling conclusion: Australia’s corporate culture is the ultimate oxymoron — a place where economic prowess meets enough sexism to make even the most seasoned HR rep roll their eyes.
Picture this: You’re in a high-stakes office, crunching numbers that could make or break million-dollar deals. Suddenly, a colleague leans over his desk, not whispering but exclaiming to me, “Mixed [Biip] is the best kind.” Dear reader, let your imagination fill in that Biip. For reference, I’m a Caucasian woman who had fake-tanned the night before this encounter. This is the Aussie office life, where small talk can shift from cryptocurrency to cat breeding quicker than you can say “synergy.”
It’s this mix of robust economy and bizarre office culture that makes Australia’s corporate scene so fascinating. On one hand, you have a lifestyle that’s the envy of many nations. On the other hand, you’ve got office cultures that are either so woke you can’t find a women-only bathroom or the women’s loo has turned into the office’s impromptu love nest, where you can’t even take a peaceful moment without hearing the team manager getting it on with the intern. Moral of the story: can we please keep the loos out of it?
You might argue that the FinReview (come at me) offers insights into these quirks, but let’s be real — reading it is like watching paint dry in a beige meeting room. It’s the blind leading the blind, with Aussies commenting on themselves in a circle of self-congratulatory mediocrity. It’s like asking a koala to critique eucalyptus leaves — their perspective might be… limited.
That’s where I come in, your friendly foreign observer, here to shine a light on the glorious madness that is Australian corporate culture. Think of me as a corporate David Attenborough, but with a twist of femme fatale, exploring the wild jungles of open-plan offices and the treacherous terrain of team-building exercises. But let’s not take it too seriously. After all, this madness is what makes Australian workplaces a breeding ground for colourful characters and wild stories. Where else would you find a CEO moonlighting as a didgeridoo instructor or a HR manager resolving conflicts with impromptu cricket matches? These tales make Monday meetings bearable and fuel Friday drinks, making you wonder if you’re in an office or starring in a sitcom.
So, my dear corporate comrades, as we embark on this journey, keep the weirdness alive. Let your freak flags fly high. Continue to blur the lines between decorum and absurdity. For in these moments of corporate chaos, the true spirit of Australian workplace culture shines brightest. And to you, my readers, I say: entertain me. Share your stories of boardroom blunders and office escapades. Be my confidante, my chronicler, my corporate court jester. With each story, you’re not just contributing to this blog; you’re documenting a unique chapter in corporate history, where success and silliness indeed go hand in hand.
Here’s to a new year of corporate adventures, stories that will make us laugh, cringe, and question our career choices. May your KPIs be ever in your favour, and may your office parties always have an open bar.
Until next time,
LaKone DeServis
Contact LaKone at LaKoneDeServis@protonmail.com
